Seriously, I need to de-clutter. The problem is not only that I am disorganized (I never put things back in their places immediately after use), but also because I have way too much stuff. No matter how I categorize and group objects, there always seem to be an overwhelming amount of stuff in my room. I have a rack for my clothes (we have a uniform now, so I hardly wear them); I have bookshelves, I have dressers for sheets and curtains and bags. But lately I’ve only been using only one or two of those bags. So, it seems logical I should just get rid of the stuff I don’t use anymore, right?

I am feeling a bit alarmed right now, because I have hundreds of books I have never even read, nor plan to read in the immediate future. I keep telling myself, “this is a classic–a find!–I will read it when I retire.” When is that going to happen? I’m 27 for Chrissakes.

I know I’m a hoarder. I have tons of useless junk. Pretty, cute, well-made, and sometimes, expensive, junk–but still, junk. For example, I have these glass candlesticks. I bought them because I thought they were pretty and classy. And I have test tubes. I don’t know what I’ll use them for but I feel good and happy because I have them. I also have 20 scarves which I bought in Vietnam and Cambodia. I don’t wear scarves but I feel good that I own such things, and the other stuff I own, mostly doodads like unusual Christmas ornaments and desk clutter, tiny decorative boxes, and toys. Knowing that they’re in a box somewhere in our house is–well, nice. But then, thinking about it, not having them won’t make me feel any worse either… So why did I buy all those things again?

It’s kind of sad, really, that I think these objects define me. It has gotten to the point where I’m confused about the style I want for my room. Am I minimalist or bohemian, or eclectic? Well, come to think of it, eclectic is just a fancy word for saying “messy.” Anything goes with eclectic.

Every website I searched about de-cluttering suggest throwing out stuff, but what if I love all my stuff? I have a comic book collection (OK, I may not need those comic books very much, but they were expensive!) Some of those I can’t throw away because they were given to me as gifts, I bought them, sentimental reasons, memories. I have a troh which is a Cambodian violin brought back from a trip to Cambodia. I never play it; it just looks nice propped up against my wall. I have a collection of notebooks, and paper products, and oh, those DVDs, accumulated during the years I was studying at UP until I went home to work.

Believe it or not, I once tried to sell those DVDs in a garage sale, but no one in our neighborhood wanted DVD copies of Rashomon or Citizen Kane. And my Sweet Valley High books didn’t do any better either.

It’s not that I haven’t tried to get rid of some of my stuff. For example, I don’t use a tape deck anymore, so one day, I brought my old tapes and distributed them to my office mates. I had a few DVDs I didn’t really like, so I gave those away too. (Let my junk clutter up someone else’s house! Hehe.) But I still have too much stuff, and I just keep bringing new stuff into our house!

I know that the only way to solve this clutter problem is to stop buying stuff I don’t really need. I know this well enough, but I must also resolve not to rely on things too much to make me happy and to define who I am, or to validate me. Sometimes, when I’m looking at shiny things that light up (I have a light fixture obsession, especially chandeliers), I forget that the person–me–is more important than his or her possessions. Because these are just objects which are weighing me down. If I was told I would be moving to another country, I wouldn’t be bringing all of my stuff with me. I’ll just pack the essentials in a suitcase or two (and that is already too much; I’m not sure if that’s 15kg…I fear excess baggage). But man, it would be a drag lugging all that stuff around, so make that just one backpack and a suitcase. I’d bring my laptop, a towel, a few change of clothes (I can just wash my clothes), a notebook, pen, purse, a book. That stuff would hardly fill a suitcase, would it?

So now, the question is: why can’t I live with just this number of things everyday? Why do I feel as if I need things to feel good about myself, as if these objects can reflect the person I want to become?

I am never going to use that stuff. My little cute toys, my collection of finely crafted teacups and sake cups, the scarves–they are just taking up space and collecting dust. But for the life of me, I cannot bear to give any of them away. I just like the idea that they are mine.

I know it’s wrong, but still, I can’t help myself. Tyler Durden says that advertising makes people buy things they don’t really need and that ‘the things you own may end up owning you.’

From now on, I must remember to ask myself when I’m tempted to bring home yet another doodad or bauble– “Do I really, really, really need this?” Who cares if it’s cheap, or if it’s free? I must think that everything I bring into our house must have a function, and that it will be used regularly. If not, then it’s just… trash.